


World On Fire (a Durarara & Bo Burnham crossover)

by Dreaming_Of_Darkness



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Crack, Dark Comedy, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light-Hearted, M/M, Singing, Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-18 23:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16128620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreaming_Of_Darkness/pseuds/Dreaming_Of_Darkness
Summary: It's a normal day in Ikebukuro: the sun is shining, the Dollars are thriving, and Izaya and Shizuo are at each others throats. Their new weapon of choice: ...SINGING?!Prepare for the Durarara!Bo Burnham crossover that nobody ever needed nor asked for... Who knows, maybe you'll laugh at some of the stupid antics from this crack songfic?





	1. Izaya sings to Shizuo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a normal day in Ikebukuro: the sun is shining, the Dollars are thriving, and Izaya is finding yet another way to torment Shizuo. His new weapon of choice: singing. But what on Earth kind of song has Izaya chosen?!
> 
> (This is borderlining a crackfic and I don't even care. XD sorry not sorry)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is: "Kill Yourself" by Bo Burnham.
> 
> PLEASE don't read this fanfic or listen to the song if you have suicidal thoughts. Thanks.

"Hey Shizu-chan~!" Izaya calls to the monster standing not too far away from him.

Said monster snarls from the sound of that irritating voice, growling and turning around to glare back at Izaya, "What do you want flea?!"

"I found the perfect song for you~!" Izaya chirps.

"...What?" Shizuo is such a perfect mix of anger and confusion that Izaya can't help but smirk.

"I hope you hate it~." He teases, before immediately beginning to sing:

_"Have you ever felt sad or lonely?_  
_Have you ever felt two feet tall?_  
_Have you ever thought "Man, if only_  
_I was anybody else at all."?"_

Shizuo (unsure as to why exactly Izaya is singing this to him) becomes suspicious; "...Why do you care?"

 _"They like to kick you when times get rough,"_  
Izaya sings, only to be interrupted by Shizuo grumbling "I'd be the one kicking them!" beneath his breath. Regardless, he continues singing, ignoring the protozoan's remark:

_"And you give your all but it's not enough..._  
_Sticks and stones might break your bones,_  
_But words can break your heart."_

Immediately, Shizuo becomes very confused and slightly worried, because these lyrics make it seem like Izaya is being caring. IZAYA. Being CARING. What has the world come to?

"...Flea?"

Izaya simply goes on his tip toes to wrap an arm around Shizuo's shoulders as he continues to sing:  
_"And if you don't know where to go,_  
_I'll show you where to start!"_

There's a pause, filled by Izaya's smirk, the flea's eyes darting up to take in the glorious sight that will be Shizuo's expression when he says these next words:

_"KILL YOURSELF~!"_

Shizuo's eyes narrow into a glare that clearly says 'I should have seen this coming' as Izaya continues, smirking wider.

_"It'll only take a minute!_  
_And you'll be happy that you did it!_  
_Just go over to your oven and shove your head in it!"_

Shizuo tries to complain "I don't own an ov--."

 _"KILL YOURSELF~!"_  
Izaya ignores the monster, singing directly into Shizuo's ear:  
_"Really, you should do it!_  
_There's, uh, really nothing to it!_  
_Just, uh, grab a mug and chug a cup of lighter fluid!"_

Shizuo pushes Izaya's arm off of his shoulders and starts to storm away, growling "kill kill kill" beneath his breath. Izaya simply chuckles and stalks Shizuo, talking instead of singing.

_"OK, now, I feel like you've pulled back."_

"Piss off Izaya!"

Said flea simply skips along beside Shizuo,  
_"Maybe it's on account of the fact that I'm telling you to kill yourself over and over again."_

"No kidding!" Shizuo growls.

 _"I'm just trying to make a simple point that these..."_  
Izaya tries to gather his words,  
_"That life's toughest problems don't have simple answers. You shouldn't just be brave, you shouldn't just roar."_

"Roar?" Shizuo snaps, stopping and turning to glare down at Izaya as he screams aggressively at him: "IZAYA, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS SUDDENLY GONNA START ROARING AT THEIR PROBLEMS?!"

Izaya simply smirks: "Roar is another word for yelling, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo blinks. "...Screw you..."

Izaya just laughs, dodging a quick punch thrown by the blonde, before continuing his 'speech':  
_"You shouldn't kill yourself._  
_But I understand that it's a sensitive subject, and you're probably just hearing me say that._  
_And I've dealt with suici—I don't wanna be insensiti— look."_

Shizuo's glare slowly shrinks as he stares down at Izaya in surprise, because the flea sounds like he's apologising for something. Hell, if that's not a miracle, then Shizuo doesn't know what is. Regardless, Izaya continues to sing:

_"I sound un-empathetic._  
_I sound mean and rude._  
_Suicide is an epidemic,_  
_And I don't want to be misconstrued._  
_Signs of depression go overlooked._  
_So if you're depressed,_  
_Then you need to book a therapy session,_  
_Talk about your depression,_  
_And let a professional hear it."_

Shizuo smelt a rat, "...What's the catch?"

Izaya didn't even bother to pretend to be innocent;  
_"But if you search for moral wisdom in Katy Perry's lyrics, then--"_

Shizuo sighed and rolled his eyes, "Here we go agai--."

_"KILL YOURSELF~!_  
_It won't be painful!_  
_If you are able to give a little kiss to an oncoming train!"_

Shizuo's eyes widened, aware that they're in a very public area while this conversation is going on, "Jesus Chri--!"

_"You'll KILL YOURSELF~!_  
_It's over, mull it!_  
_There's a trigger, pull it!_  
_Get it through your head, it being a bullet!"_

"Flea, you need to sto--."

Izaya started singing louder,  
_"Stick your tongue in a plug~!_  
_Suck a pipe of exhaust~!_  
_Make some toast in the tub~!_  
_Nail yourself to a cross~!"_

"Izaya--!"

The flea interrupted yet again,  
_"Hold your breath 'til it's gone~!_  
_Drink a gallon of mace~!_  
_Be gay in Iran~!_  
_Let Oprah sit on your face~!"_

"FLEA!!"

Izaya seemed to almost bounce with glee as he continued to sing, smirking at the priceless look on Shizuo's face,  
_"Jump off of a bridge~!_  
_Skinny dip in a flood~!_  
_Sky-dive attached to a fridge~!_  
_Drink a Haitian guy's blood~!"_

"IZAYA STO--!!"

_"Break into the zoo~!_  
_Give a tiger a shove~!_  
_Eat a Phillips head screw~!_  
_Marry Courtney Love~!"_

Shizuo was done. Very simply and in the politest terms possible, he was so 'done' with the flea's excuse of a song. "IZAYA, WHAT. THE. FU--?!?!"

Izaya interrupts Shizuo by pressing a finger to the monsters lips, "Take my advice Shizu-chan~! Hopefully I'll never see you in the afterlife~!"

Izaya proceeds to skip away, leaving a stunned and enraged Shizuo to rip out a stop sign and begin the chase, roaring Izaya's name at full volume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a serious note, if you ever do have depression or suicidal thoughts, please talk to someone. Family, friends, counselors; anyone you can trust. Killing yourself is never an option you should take - there are so many ways to get better, and you should never just throw your life away like that. Stay alive, even if it's only for other people's sake; even if you think nothing can make things better. Because I promise you, things will change, and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
> 
> Stay alive, frens. It's worth it.


	2. Shizuo sings to Izaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo needed revenge against Izaya - but this kind of revenge would require more than throwing a street sign. Shizuo needed to put Izaya through something very similar to what the flea had put the blonde through. Gathering his courage and swallowing his pride, Shizuo recalled the lyrics to his weapon of choice, because today, he would get revenge for what was known as the "Kill Yourself episode" by the citizens of Ikebukuro...
> 
> (Aka, another dose of crack songfic.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "Lower Your Expectations" by Bo Burnham. Please check it out and give full credit to Bo!

Shizuo needed revenge against Izaya - but this kind of revenge would require more than throwing a street sign. Shizuo needed to put Izaya through something very similar to what the flea had put the blonde through; recently, Izaya had randomly skipped up to Shizuo in the middle of the street and started SINGING to him! Not only that, but the song Izaya had chosen was telling Shizuo to kill himself, so of course the flea couldn't just get away with it!

Gathering his courage and swallowing his pride, Shizuo sighed one last time, before storming towards the flea. He'd learnt the lyrics to his weapon of choice, and today, he would get revenge for what was known as the "Kill Yourself episode" by the citizens of Ikebukuro...

"IIIIZZZZAAAAYYYYAAAA-KKKKUUUUNNNN!!"

From the middle of the street that he was stood within, Izaya turned around with a smug expression, as if he expected this.

"Yes Shizu-chan?"

"Tsk... Izaya, I know what you want...!"

"Oh?" stepping closer to the tall brute, Izaya couldn't help but let the anticipation show on his face, longing to see Shizuo embarrass himself by singing whatever pathetic song he'd chosen in public, "and what is that?"

The reaction from the blonde was delayed:  
"...Well..."

_"You want a guy that's sweet, a guy that's tough._  
_A feminist who likes to pay for stuff._  
_The kind of guy that gets along with your friends without being attracted to any of them."_

Izaya's smirk faltered, and he raised an eyebrow. Where was this going? And why was Shizuo fidgeting on the spot so weirdly?

Was he... nervous?

_"A good boy, a bad boy; a good bad boy;_  
_A half good, half bad... half boy."_

"Smooth." Izaya teased.

"Shut up!" Shizuo snarled, before (reluctantly) continuing to sing:

_"Loves your sisters is sensitive but not weak and_  
_Is a great lover, calls your mother on the weekend."_

Glancing up to keep his eyes trained on Izaya's facial expression, Shizuo manages to say the next line while holding eye contact with the flea.

_"You might think this guy only exists in your mind..."_

Izaya couldn't help it - his eyes widened on their own accord. This was all sounding awfully similar to an indirect confession of love. At first, the idea sickened Izaya to the core, but then... he started to consider it more... and with the way Shizuo was looking at him... maybe--!

_"Guess what..."_

Izaya held his breath, eyes still locked with Shizuo's... then the brute's chocolate eyes suddenly narrowed into a glare, a smirk carving into his face.

_"You're right!"_

Izaya immediately seems very unimpressed with his current situation.

_"If you want love, lower your expectations a few._  
_Because 'Prince Charming' would never settle for you!!_  
_If you want love, just pick a guy and love him._  
_And if he's got a thing for feet say 'fuck it' sweep me off them!"_

Smirking like there's no tomorrow, Shizuo took great joy in analysing the expression on Izaya's face, drinking in the flea's disgust and disapproval. Perfect! Exactly the reactions he hoped to get! Looks like Shizuo would win their little song game...

With this in mind, Shizuo shrugs (trying to act as casual as a man singing to his arch nemesis in public can) before moving on to the next chorus:

_"Now the good thing, is that at least I have very realistic expectations for women!"_

Suddenly, Izaya bursts out laughing. Shizuo stops immediately, gazing at the flea in irritated confusion. He's laughing?! Why?! This song is supposed to irritate him!

Shizuo growls from the new smug expression on Izaya's face, as the informant decides to flip the tables by singing teasingly back to Shizuo:

_"He said, sarcastically setting up a second verse in a comedy song...!"_

"Flea... don't you dare! This is MY song, and I'm going to be the one to finish it!!"

Izaya immediately took the opportunity to continue singing, absolutely loving the enraged expressions it sparked from Shizuo.

_"You want a girl that's nice, a girl that's not_  
_Obsessed with her looks, but is insanely hot._  
_The kind of girl that you can show to your folks,_  
_Loves the movies you like and always laughs at your jokes~!_  
_A real girl, a hot girl; a really hot girl;_  
_A brand new, really hot, real doll._  
_Wants to impress you, doesn't care if you notice._  
_Only ever uses you to tickle her throat with..."_

For some reason, hearing someone else sing the lyrics actually got Shizuo to think about them, and he suddenly found himself thinking of Verona... which he immediately regretted, because he didn't want to think of his best friend when he was listening to a love song! But the thought was there, and it just kept going and going, and Shizuo eventually couldn't help it: Verona was a very nice girl after all.

_"You might think this girl only exists in your mind..."_

Izaya sang, noticing the distant look in Shizuo's eyes. Ah, so the brute was straining his poor unused brain to think of something! Just who was he thinking about?

...For some reason, the idea of Shizuo thinking about anyone except Izaya suddenly irritated the informant. Deciding to correct this obvious error, Izaya opted to try and shock Shizuo out of his thoughts, grabbing the front of the blonde's shirt and tugging downwards so that Izaya could reach Shizuo's ear, whispering into it:

_"But she's real! But last week, she died~!"_

Shizuo immediately shoved Izaya away, "WHAT THE HELL FLEA?!"

Izaya just laughed, brushing it off as a mere joke. But in reality, he was questioning his own intentions with his actions... deciding that he didn't want to think about it, Izaya distracted himself by continuing to sing:

_"If you want love, lower your expectations a lot;_  
_You might think your dick is gift but I promise it's not~!"_

"And I would know from experience..." Izaya mumbled beneath his breath.

"Huh?" questioned Shizuo.

"Nothing!" chirped Izaya, forcing a smile when he saw Shizuo's disbelieving glare. Trying to cover his tracks again, Izaya continued to sing.

_"If you want love, just pick a girl and love her,_  
_Then whip out your dick and let the girl you love decline the offer~!"_

Shizuo glowered at Izaya's mischievous chuckle, the blonde sighing in annoyance. This situation had just become so irritating... the flea ruined everything, as per usual! And here he was, still singing despite Shizuo's grumpiness.

_"I don't want a neat freak, I don't want a slob,_  
_Somebody with bed-head and a dead end job._  
_Cause I won't settle for less than perfect~!"_

Izaya suddenly gave Shizuo an expectant look. The blonde raised an eyebrow in response, wondering what the informant was waiting for. Izaya simply smiled wider, as if urging Shizuo to do... something. Finally, the penny drops, and Shizuo grumbles something about killing the flea, before he lets out a heavily angered sigh, and sings back to a now smirking Izaya.

_"We want perfect children a perfect life,_  
_A perfect husband or a perfect wife,_  
_But deep down we know, we don't deserve--..."_

His singing is silenced when Izaya presses a finger to his lips. Shizuo's lip almost curls up into a snarl, but Izaya's finger flicks upwards to boop Shizuo's nose, and for some reason that gesture alone is such an overwhelmingly mixture of annoying and cute that Shizuo can only stare. Izaya takes that as a cue to sing, booping Shizuo's nose once more as he says:

_"But...!_  
_We all deserve love._  
_Even on the days when we aren't our best,_  
_'Cause we all suck, but love can make us suck less..."_

"Says the one who sucked my--" Shizuo's grumbling is silenced when Izaya politely covers the scowling brute's mouth with his hand. Smiling sweetly (a sight unnerving to those who know the man best) Izaya resumes singing.

_"We all deserve love, it's the very best part of being alive._  
_And I would know I just turned twenty one~!"_

And at last, the song was over. Izaya stepped away, smile curling into a smirk, waiting for Shizuo to grasp a nearby trash can and hurl it towards his target. The informant was practically bouncing in anticipatio--

"Twenty five." Shizuo mumbles.

Izaya blinks, smirk dropping, "...Huh?"

"The lyrics to the song are 'just turned twenty five'. You said 'twenty one'." Shizuo explains as if it's the simplest thing in the world, giving Izaya a calmly annoyed expression.

He's holding back, Izaya suddenly realises. For one reason or another, Shizuo isn't trying to attack Izaya.

...Maybe the song choice has something to do with it?

Or maybe it's the singing? Yes, that would sort of make sense - singing to each other like this has evolved into yet another form of competition between Shizuo and Izaya, each of them striving to best their opponent and pull out some unwanted emotions from them. Perhaps Shizuo is starting to enjoy this new game of theirs?

Regardless of whatever Shizuo's reasoning is, Izaya smiles his usual twisted grin, "Pity... since I got the lyrics wrong, I suppose we'll just have to have another one of these 'singing duels', won't we?"

To Izaya's surprised delight, Shizuo's lip curves into a sinister smile,

"I'll beat you next time, flea!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, it's not the best thing ever written. But it's late, I'm tired, and it's hard to put pen to paper nowadays. Regardless, I hope you liked it.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment about which Bo Burnham song you would like to see Shizuo and Izaya sing to each other next!


End file.
